Day 7: favorite movie

Before Sunrise.

This is the one movie that blatantly oppose the usual go-to phrase said by many (or most) parents towards their children.

Never talk to stranger

This movie took it up a notch and went more than just talking to stranger; not only do they talk, but also roam around a completely unfamiliar city, with a stranger whom the protagonist met on a train ride—having only talked for a moment in time that was proceeded with an abrupt and insane-sounding proposition.

The idea sounded something along the line of:

… in twenty years from now, you will be stuck with a husband that left you dreading, and wondering on the possibility that life would take a turn for the better had you took the chance of going out with a stranger. However, if this doesn’t work out, then all is fine, then.

The two main characters (mainly the took the leap of faith and explored the city of Vienna, forged a chemistry so strong and so unreal it transcends common sense of this era.

I would really like to spill the rest of the movie, but I feel like I have to leave out the remaining plot for you to find out (if not already) :p

Day 6: Single and Happy

I’ve been single for almost 6 years (yes, i know that’s a very long time)

However, I had been in non-committal relationships (a fancy term for “hts”)—which ended up either me being ghosted (ha ha) or them getting a relationship with someone else. Yes, it sounds really miserable; I have gotten used to it by the 3rd or 4th time.

Back in my uni days, I would fill up my time with hanging out with my friends or busying myself by participating in some events so that romance would be out of the equation. I remember joining an event as an LO despite having no experience at all—immediately after finding out that my crush went back to her ex. HAHA.

Anyhow, that is how usually the case goes back when I was still studying . Now that I have, I constantly ponder the activities in which I am able to occupy myself. I’ve been trying to read books, watch movies, hell I even had a cat pet right now (not because I am trying to refrain myself from getting back into a relationship; it’s a long story but we somehow had a kitty as a pet during the pandemic)

To say that I am happy is not completely true. I am single, yes. But I am not sure whether or not I am happy.

Revised, I am currently not happy. I haven’t been in the best state of mind lately as things have gone awry and not been in my favor. But that’s okay, because it gives me time to reflect on what I am currently feeling, to contemplate on how I might deal with the current situation, and to get to know myself better should this circumstance repeats.

I realize I should just focus on being happy. “How” would be the usual word that follows the premise. But by pursuing meaningful activities in life, through which happiness is the repercussion, seems like a good start.

I hope by the time I look back to this one post, I would be much wiser and realize that life has its phases, its ups and downs, and they are just small bumps that will ultimately hone my ability to handle many more of what life has to offer.

Cheers.

Day 5: Your parents

I love my parent. Yes, without “s”.

My parents divorced when I was too little to understand. What I can say was that it was a bitter one. My mom endured so much; I love my mom so much. She has to be the strongest woman I’ve ever known throughout my life.

As for my dad (I kinda hate calling him this, I’ll just refer him as “my father”), he was a kind and fun person back then. My most memorable time with him was when he often takes me out cycling in the evening around where he’d buy me soft drink on the way back home. Before arriving, he’d told me not to snitch to my mom that I drink the carbonated beverage. But I sorta did 😦

I now kinda feel saddened a bit on the fact that—over the span of my life with him— was the only moment that struck deep inside me. I cannot recall during all those years what various father-son activities we did.

Despite this, I have been growing up without the typical father figure in my life. My maternal grandfather, the only notable male figure in the household, has been taking care of us all as well as my grandmother. They have kind of become my second parents!

Anyway, I don’t really discuss much about my family because unnecessary sympathy is the last thing I need. Yes, my family isn’t the “perfect” “stereotypical” “dream scenario” family; But I will gladly take it as it is, imperfect, yet perfect in its own way.

Day 4: places you want to visit

In this situation? Any place would do just fine.

I am writing this as the Covid-19 pandemic is still ongoing—and not showing any prospect of good news any time soon.

The last time I went somewhere other than my home town and areas within 40 km from it was in January when I, my mom, and some of her friends went to Singapore for a short getaway. That was when the world was doing sort of okay and not in complete chaos. People were going here and there without having to worry any life-threatening virus looming over them for the next 14 days. Masks were for those working in the hospital or with regular coughs or were unable to put on their makeup who just wanted to buy something from a nearby grocery store.

God, I miss those times.

Now, it seems like going outside for a quick meal would require extensive premeditation and constant shifts between that, and looking up foods in the GoJek app. In fortunate times, I can make up my mind and not ending up being indecisive and doing neither.

However, back to the topic, having completed one of my bucket list back in December which was riding from Jogjakarta—the city in which I spend my 4 years studying uni—to Malang—my home town, I feel like doing another one that is a tad more challenging and intrepid to some extent: riding from one end of Java Island to the other end.

Imagine, visiting each city and town to get a little taste of what it has to offer. Taking photos every stop and how cool would the vlog look like! Although, I can already feel my butt sore to the core from just imagining the duration it would take.

One thing for sure, it would surely not be a one-day-trip like the previous one. I would have plenty of time to spare.

*currently writing it in my mental bucket list

Day 3: a memory

It’s been more than a decade, more or less 11 years ago, since I last celebrate Eid with my other side of family.

Well, that’s the downside of being in a divorced family—in a not-so-pleasing separation. My parents divorced back in around 2009, when I was not quite mature to fully grasp the repercussions (and reason, of course, duh) of the whole affairs. Even though I now have some ideas around the situation, there are definitely things left unsaid and kept and buried deep down somewhere inside my mom’s mind.

Anyhow, before that time, I and my family which includes my mom, my dad, and my younger sister usually spent the festive holiday in Kediri—a city 100 km-ish adjacent to Malang—from a couple days before to a day after. We usually drove from our house early in the morning and would arrive before noon. That week would be the best week within the whole month as all of my cousins from my dad’s family gathered and spent the entire 5 days (sometimes even more) catching up and play around the house.

My paternal grandparents’ house is vast though only single-floored. There are multiple buildings which were connected by paved floors that stretches from the front to the back. In front of the house stood a playground with swings and a concrete slide that covers an area big enough for kids. As I look back at it, it wasn’t as big as we’d originally thought. On its terrace lies two low round rattan chairs that sits beside a small pond with various fish in it. Behind the two chairs is the living room with a wooden door that separates the two spaces. Inside the large wooden book shelves, there are bountiful books from photo albums to science encyclopedias which all of us were keen to read every visit.

Far in the back spans the backyard that houses arrays of potted vegetation, a bigger fish pond, trees of many fruits which we picked the yields ourselves when ripe, and hung above it birds in cage solemnly singing day and night their melodic chirps.

But all was gone in an instant. I am profoundly devastated seeing how things can go nastily awry and still leave excruciating marks deep within years after.

Even though it has been a long time, I can still feel the tenderness that house offered. I miss that place and all its memories surrounding it.

Day 2: things that make you happy

If anyone ask me what I like to do, I would answer taking photographs—in a heartbeat. But, as I haven’t been eager to go out in this pandemic situation, it would be rational for me to opt for my other side: I love to eat!

So, in this opportunity, it seems that it would be wise to tell you about the former, since I have more sides to cover.

So, photography.

I can’t remember how the love with pressing a button and letting the electronic bits and pieces work together—by means of algorithms, codes, and whatnots, producing arrays of reds, greens, and blues, i.e. colors as we perceive with our eyes—came to be. But, as far as I can recall, the first time I held a camera to take photos was at the age of 10 when I went to Aussie. It was a pocket camera. You know, the one where you turn it on and the lens pops out.

Since then, and ever more so during my last year of junior high school, I have been familiarizing myself with holding a camera. So much so that I had been bringing my camera to school to take photos around town after class. This habit continued throughout my senior high school, though not as often and enthusiastic; but I was still passionate for it.

There’s just something magical about making the world freeze in time and looking back at it years later. I mean, we may be able to reminisce moments as we remember them, but we can never be able to completely retell stories in factual and non-distorted perspective. We would always skew the narratives by a bit and ameliorate scenes a little bit different so that we could convey the passage better.

But photographs are more objective. They depict reality in the moment they are created, shaped, and reflected by the lights that bounce over objects and distort which produces spectra of colors, or lack thereof.

From taking photographs of kids running around and playing football out in the field—their expressions are so lively and energetic that they compel me to make the same—to talking to a traditional house-braided bag seller who have spent decades dedicating her life to preserving her family’s enterprise. Her eyes glimmered as she tells how she first learn to sew the fibers around and under with many failed attempts. It always amazes me to find out that there’s so much that life has to offer.

I could go on rambling about why I am immensely intrigued by simply taking photographs, but to sum it up, I love taking photos because I love how people react to and by them. Photos are able to evoke emotions just as powerful as musics or movies.

Day 1 : describe your personality

People say that I have a friendly attitude.

I like to make other people laugh. I make quick witty remarks—though they are not as funny as I thought sometimes. I listen to people more than I do talking. I have never been good at speaking what’s on my mind. Words that came out of my mouth are incoherent at some point and I already lost my interest at telling it before the point was made. I am not sure why.

But, I love to listen; fire me up with your stories, your ideas, your wildest dreams. I’ll make sure to be your best audience. I’ll be your hype man.

On several dates, I usually let my date speak most of the time, though I occasionally fill the gaps here and there. I DO speak. It’s just I don’t prefer to.

I am generally a very optimistic person. Although the line between it and being naive is oftentimes very fine. I try to look at the better sides of people first before I make any assumptions or preconception of them, which is why I don’t really like making enemies and try my best to avoid conflicts (Yes, I am aware that this is not healthy in the long run)

Actually, to sum up my prominent personalities would not do justice by just making endless narratives here. So, if you wanna know me in a more comprehensive and intimate way, let’s talk in person! 🙂